Lately, I’ve been breaking through several physical and mental blockages I didn’t even realize I had. For one, I pumped my own gas for the first time in five years last month! I don’t know exactly when I decided I “couldn’t” pump gas. I just remember being told that many gas stations would help people in wheelchairs (big shout out to QuikTrip for their help these past few years!), so I never even tried – until a few weeks ago.I was in a hurry and the only gas station for miles was a tiny store with only one attendant. As I considered the various mechanisms involved in pumping gas, it suddenly occurred to me:
I was in a hurry and the only gas station for miles was a tiny store with only one attendant. As I considered the various mechanisms involved in pumping gas, it suddenly occurred to me:
I. Can. Do. This.
And I did!
I lifted the handle, pressed the button, and began filling up my tank. Just as quickly as I began – I was off!
I wonder how often in life we avoid situations or areas of concern due to self-consciousness – and how often we don’t even notice. If we don’t think of them they can’t make us feel fear or pain.
I am now making it a practice to notice (note: simply notice, not fix) these avoidant habits and to explore them with a sense of curiosity. I recently asked my boyfriend to help me plant a flower garden, thinking I needed his help. But, making a practice of noticing, I decided to try it on my own instead. The next thing I knew I was sitting in the middle of the newly-planted flower bed, covered in dirt and digging with nothing more than my bare nubs! And it felt delicious. I was all I needed in that moment.
It’s astounding to me that while I vocalize “never let anyone say you can’t,” deep within me there is a voice that questions my abilities; making me afraid that I might not be able to.
Today, I am listening to that voice with courage and dignity. Today, I am inviting that voice into my home and asking it, “How did you once serve me? Are you still helping me?” Today, I relax into confidence because I know that I can – and so can you!